East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
