Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
