Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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