Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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