1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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