Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
