I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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