she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
