Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
