i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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