that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
