she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
