so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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