So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
