look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
