You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
