She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
