it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
