They should really pass out barf bags in church
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
