ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
