porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I understand Curling. That high.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
