Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
