You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
