Who wears a wallet chain?!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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