My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
