i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
