I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
