I'm gonna have a badass scar
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
