I'm eating all of the evidence.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
