I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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