I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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