It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
