You made me cry and you don't even care
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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