i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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