Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
