Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she smelled like a LAN party
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
