Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
