Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she woke up with a sticky ear
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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