I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
