we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
