Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
