is your mom at the bar?
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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