Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
