your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
