Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
please come you make the beer taste better
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
