Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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