He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
