We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
