I just saw a hot homeless man
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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