new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
