I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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